Peace with Grief
It’s said the tail winds of a tornado are stronger than the head winds. Perhaps this is why people find it so hard to deal with trauma and the pain of loss. The experience is one thing – in my case the death and funeral of a dear friend - but the process of accepting and healing from the trauma can be either brief or a lifelong process and for many much harder to bear than the initial trauma such as the tail winds of a tornado. After all, we want to hide from the pain don’t we? Who wants to relive such pain? For me this has been the first time I’ve lost a very dear friend, and I was completely at a loss of how to deal with it.
But do we actually need to relive the pain in order to move on and allow ourselves to heal? Perhaps the healing process is finding the best and healthiest way to accept what happened and learn to live with it so that the pain, the past and the memories have less power allowing us to move through life with great potential. (I don’t carry the addiction gene, so for me drugs and alcohol, don’t even come into the equation for healing. I personally don’t understand why people go down that route.) For many people, including myself, it can depend greatly on how much support you get facing those tail winds.
While I’ve known people who have died, the loss of one of my dearest friends was to me beyond comprehension. I could barely stand when the curtain closed around the coffin at the funeral service. My husbands’ strength kept me standing and I fought with myself to be composed. I was watching people filing out of the hall in solemn silence wondering why on earth they haven’t broken down in tears like I was. My late friend always said to me “you wear your heart on your sleeve”. He’s right.
I’ve been fully aware of the cycle of grief for a long time and know that it carries no deadline (pun not intended). It’s been over a year since my friends’ death and my struggles have gone up and down. It started with a sense of peace after the initial shock, to deep depression, numbness, peace again then into anger. For a few months I’ve been aware of his presence and guidance. Then the cycle of grief turned again and my mind took over shutting out the messages from Spirit, giving me doubt and anger.
In comes Soo Woods (Broster) and the herd at Eureka Horse Wisdom for an EEL session. As I went through what I call the grounding meditation, to holistically calm myself while raising my awareness of my mind, body, thoughts, feelings (including the 5 sensory feelings) etc I found myself, with guidance, reaching back into my past of when I first felt the feelings that was I experiencing with my friends death and the aspect of grief that you cycle through, including for me, abandonment. I began to feel that in dying my friend abandoned me. It was like coming full circle. I found myself being drawn to a particular part of the property where the horses were standing, grazing, being. My time thereon for me is a sacred ceremony between myself, Soo and herd - in particular Luna, Levi and Dom. But I can say this – the poignant moment was when I became aware of what healing meant to me. Not to Soo, to my living friends, or other people; but to me. It was at that moment I could feel the burden of anger and sadness lift up to be blown away in the tail winds of that tornado. I should note it was an ironically windy day.
Following my time with the herd I was offered to draw a card from one of Soo’s available card decks. Completely optional but I followed my instincts. I selected a deck, selected a card and synchronistically opened the decks book straight to that page for the card I’d selected. I thought ‘wow, how cool is that’. I didn’t even have to flick through the book to look for that particular page. Everything just seemed to flow. Reading the description of the card brought me to tears and completely floored me as it confirmed my instincts and erased my doubts of the messages that Spirit were giving me over the past year in relation to my friends death and his presence in the great beyond. A few weeks prior I asked Spirit for answers which were clear cut, unambiguous and to the point. They are learning for those questions were answered that day. The mind can be a barrier to trust. I never believed one needed a medium to give you proof of life after death. I’m right – for me anyway! One needs only to still the mind and listen with heart and soul, trusting and having faith in what you ‘hear’ and learn.
Thus the deeper thread of learning in this particular EEL session at Eureka Horse Wisdom was trust and letting go of doubt in Spirit while on the surface learning what healing meant to me.
To learn about EEL visit https://www.eurekahorsewisdom.com.au/
Thank you to the client who provided this story. They have asked to remain anonymous.